Spanglish Lessons

A day late (again), despite my best efforts. I had no break at work yesterday and went out to see "Spanglish" with a friend last night, then I came home to find my husband working on the computer to update and send out his resume for a freelance job at an investment bank. So I'm trying to get in a post early today (well, relatively).
I've been mulling over themes: "Newly Married in NYC," "Musings on Manhattan (and the Brooklyn borough)," "Observations from the Brink of Adulthood" or "The Fabulous Girls Guide to Family Life."
I think #1 might be too restrictive--after all, I only qualify for "newly married" for so long (and it's already been more than 6 months). You could argue the same thing about #3--I can only postpone adulthood, and all the responsibilities that come with it, for so long. It is already sneaking up on me. Still, #4 might be a bit premature (as I am not even pregnant, nor trying yet)--not to mention presumptious.
So how about #2 from a #3 point of view?
And now, about last night (which, appropriately enough, was a 1980s film[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090583/plotsummary] --(Ed note: sorry having trouble inserting links, but I'll fix later)-- about the transition from singlehood to adulthood)...
So I met my friend, Stacie, who is newly married and 5+ months pregnant, to see a 7pm screening of "Spanglish." Mid-week movies have replaced late-night, bar-hopping now that we have husbands and increasingly demanding jobs--and, in her case, a baby on the way. Instead of treating ourselves to $12 Metropolitans [http://www.digitalbartender.com/mixed-drink/mixed_drinks/Metropolitan] or vodka gimlets, we indulged in a large carton of popcorn (no butter or salt) and Milky Way "Poppers," and joked about which dietary requirements for pregnant women [http://scc.uchicago.edu/nutritionpregant.htm] "Poppers" might
qualify for -- there is milk in Milky Way, after all [http://www.mmmars.com/cai/mway/faq.html].
"Spanglish" was much better than I expected. Though the plot is predictable, by telling it from the perspective of the Mexican domestic's daughter (through an application essay to Princeton), the movie takes on another, far more interesting dimension. Though it still raises questions about class and cultural clashes, the film is ultimately about the relationship between the Mexican immigrant, Flor (played by Paz Vega), and her daughter (Shelbie Bruce). Flor is torn between her desire to give her daughter more opportunities than she had and to provide a better life for her in the U.S., and to retain in her daughter a sense of pride in her heritage. The other characters in the movie identify themselves in several ways: Adam Sandler's character is a father, a famous chef, and a husband; Tea Leoni's is as an angry daughter, an apologetic adulterer, and a former working woman who is struggling mightily in her three-month-old phase as a "stay-at-home mom."
But Flor is a mom, first and foremost (it helps that she is a single mom). There is one scene in the movie in particular that struck me (spoiler alert). When Flor and John (Adam Sandler) come close to giving in to their obvious feelings for each other and she says, "When there is a daughter involved, you cannot make such mistakes." Flor allows herself a kiss and a few bites of a meal that the 4-star chef has cooked for her in his restaurant, but she doesn't finish the meal nor act on her feelings (despite the obvious pleasure she gets from his cuisine and his kiss).
I thought about that scene on the way home. Initially, it might seem like Flor was giving something up for her daughter--that she might be giving up a chance at real love and happiness, not to mention an upper-class existence. But her daughter was only serving as a moral compass for her. The thought of how their affair might affect their children helped her make the right decision.
Now, don't get the wrong idea. I have no plans (nor any desire) to cheat on my husband. But the film made me realize that, while we can get away with selfish, self-indulgent behaviour as singles, it is much harder to do so once we have a family. And that is a good thing.
Not that there is anything wrong with indulging in the occasional cocktail (except for the outrageous price, which can be as much as $15 at some Manhattan night spots). But now I'm starting to question whether that $18 (including tip) might be better spent toward paying down my credit card debt, or investing in a Roth IRA. And buying that camel-hair coat I want--really want--is that much harder to justify.
What marriage does (or should do) is make you less selfish. And having a family should continue that process. In the end, of course, you should be a better person for it. Otherwise, you fight it all the way, and end up like Tea Leoni's character: resentful, repressed, and unhappy (not to mention, a failure as a mother and a wife). Though there is a happy ending (or an awakening, at least) for her too, which I won't spoil. a