The Importance of Shopping Around

Last night, while we were shopping on Fifth Avenue, my friend Joy said to me that she'd been trying to figure out exactly what it is she likes so much about the guy she's dating. Her mom had asked her the question earlier and she'd struggled for a response, and this had concerned her--at least initially. But after she'd thought it over, she told me, she concluded that what she liked most about being with him was how he made her feel. She felt good when she was with him, and less good without him.
I thought that was a pretty good criteria for deciding whether to pursue a relationship with someone (or even a second date). Of course, you can argue that alcoholics say the same thing about drinking. But there's a big difference. Alcohol makes people feel good by lowering their inhibitions and helping them to escape themselves or their current situation. It also makes people act differently than they would ordinarily. (How many times have you blamed bad behavior or bad decisions on alcohol?)
But a boyfriend, or a husband, should make you feel good by embracing you as you are and by encouraging you to share more of yourself (not hide it). You feel good around a boyfriend (or husband) when you feel like you can be yourself. When you're with him, it just feels right.
My husband loves me most (so he tells me--repeatedly) when I'm wearing glasses and not wearing make-up--when I'm in my most natural state. He loves me for who I am, not who I aspire to be. Though I still have aspirations, his validation and support helps me appreciate what I have achieved already. And that makes me feel really good.
Lesson #2. Joy, who is job searching, also mentioned that she has come to realize what she really wants in her next job (and in her career). And she's stopped applying for any job that doesn't get her really excited--even if she knows she stands a really good chance at getting it. That got me thinking about the importance of shopping around and not settling for something that doesn't feel right--whether that be a man, a job, or a new blazer.
Last night, after hitting five stores in two hours, Joy and I ended up buying the exact same pink blazer from Searle. We tried on many things, but I was proud that we didn't buy anything that we weren't "This-is-SO-me!" excited about.
Here's hoping we will both be able to say the same thing about our jobs soon.