Through Good Times and Bad

My best friend and I were swapping stories today about silly arguments we've had with our spouses lately. And I thought about how easily and how often we fight with those we live with and love--sometimes, just because they're there. All day long (and sometimes all night), we show our best face to the world, suppressing our frustrations or fears. So when we get home after a long day at work and all the feelings we've been suppressing all day come to the surface, we risk spilling them all over our unsuspecting spouse. Poor guy.
I'd always thought that marriage meant sharing everything. But I no longer think that sharing every thought and feeling we have with each other is necessary to have a strong, successful relationship--in fact, it may have the opposite effect. Sometimes I think back to when my husband and I started dating, how much care I took to look my best and to be in the best frame of mind when I saw him (which wasn't hard, just seeing him lifted my spirits--still does, most days). When you're married, it's a relief to be able to be yourself and not to have to worry about being at your best all the time. But I think it's important to remind ourselves of what attracted us to each other in the first place. Sometimes it's better to vent your frustrations and feelings to a journal or a therapist (this is NYC after all). And save your saner self for your spouse. Course that's easy to say today. I'm on vacation, it's sunny and springlike outside, and I'm feeling fabulous. The true test comes when the rain clouds return.